Kent

Kent is one of the English counties. It shares a north-eastern border with Essex, and the two have been rivals for centuries. Since 1950, Essex and Kent have been locked in a deadly war, which has become a stalemate, after Gordon Brown sent troops to guard the border between the two in 2009.

Creation
As is known, in 1700BC, famed Norwegian explorer Michael Dictionary and his half-dinosaur companion Sam Thesaurus set sail from France (then known as Gaulle), and discovered Great Britain. Thesaurus set up camp on a Sussex beach, whilst Michael built the first branch of Butlins and called over some French guys to work as attendants.

Dictionary and Thesaurus journeyed perilously until finally creating the first settlement on English soil in 1699 BC: the Norwegian Colony of Kent. Over the next centuries, Kent grew and expanded into smaller towns and villages, creating the county. In the year 312 AD, Kentish priest Reverend Es Secks started Essex. His father, Sussterron Secks, had started Sussex and his uncle, Middle Secks, had started Middlesex, so Es figured he could make a good county. He was wrong.

After Essex was chosen as Nicest County in 1066 after the Norman Conquest of England, the Kentish swelled with hatred for the Essexians. Essex had only succeeded in being named greatest county by exiling their Chavs to small bunkers near Basildon.

World War I
In 1914, Kent joined in with the rest of the UK and sent in some soldiers. The best soldier was some cool kid, Dude McJaggerson, whom shot loads of Austrians. Tension in the trenches rose when the Essexians thought it would be funny to poo in the Kentish trenches. They were right, it was a right laugh.

World War II
The Kentish spitfires meant to bomb Germany were actually used by Dude McJaggerson's son Doodoo McJaggerson to drop poo all over Essex as revenge for the trench incident that Dude had told Doodoo all about. The Essexians got very angry, and made one decision they would always regret .... THEY RELEASED THE CHAVS!!!!!!!

The chavs, freshly released from a Basildon nuclear bunker, were meant to go and raise havoc in Kent, which some of them did. However, others stayed in Essex and became hip hop beasts.

Escalation of Kentish-Essexian tensions (1945-1950)
The war was won: the British were victorious. But two counties were still at combat...with each other. The Kentish were unable to rid thmeselves of the chavs, and demanded that the Governor of Essex, Richard Innit, donate six million pounds to the anti-chav cause. Unfortunately, Innit said no.

Innit and Kentish Governor Hauwdkaorre Phuq (Native American-born Kentish national hero) entered several debates. In 1947, Innit was overthrown by Owen Wordsburg, who was himself a half-chav (his father was German Dr. Hans Wordsburg, his mother was Sheila Blingining Mingga Jackson Fake Tan Orango). Wordsburg decided to unleash thousands of chavs on Kent's borders. Early attempts by Phuq to defeat Wordsburg were thwarted, and in 1950, Kent declared war on Essex.

The Chav War (1950-present)
Main article: Chav War