Swittish

Swittish is the language that people from Switzerland speak in private. In public they speak German, French or Italian, but in the deep mountain lairs they talk Swittish, a variation of English.

Swittish? WTF is that?
Swittish was the language of the Order of the Switts from 1046 BC until 1805 AD, when the Switts stopped being radical party animals, and decided to become a bunch of spineless scaredy cats. They executed the population of Switzerland and replaced it with the children that they had with cowards. Every Swiss person is raised with Swittish and either French, German or Italian. If you mention Swittish in public you get shot in Dallas. That's the conspiracy about the Kennedy assassination. All done by the bleddy Swiss.

Why does it suck?
Don't shoot me! means 119 different things. This makes using the language very difficult.

Who created this sucky language?
When it was created by Grandfather Switticus in 1046 BC, it was fantastic. However, it evolved into this sucky language in 1914 under Wimpy McJoe, who didn't let the Swiss join in cos he didn't want to be in a pointless war. Fair enough. But in World War II, McJoe's son Wimpy McJoe Jr. was just a massive p**sy, afraid of the Nazis and not fighting for what is right, etc. Also he shat his pants when he got bored.

~Rob